I CAN’T SLEEP (Ginoli)

Wish I could turn on my light
And read my Village Voice
But layin’ next to this beached whale
I haven’t got the choice
He looked good at the time
I must have been out of my mind
Now I can’t sleep
I can’t sleep!

Hoping for a wild night
Of sexual gymnastics
But he thought he was god’s gift
Selfish and sarcastic
I wanted to take him home
And I got him so I shouldn’t groan
But I can’t sleep
I can’t sleep!

Minutes pass like hours
My eyes wide open
Staring up at the ceiling
Every paint crack memorized
Think I’ll reset my alarm
To go off extra early
Wake him up and get him out
Try to sleep until 8:30
Being up all night’s alright
If it’s filled with erotic delight
But I can’t sleep
I can’t sleep!

RING OF JOY (Ginoli)

With a mirror in your hand
Lay down on your bed
Throw your legs in the air
And see what’s around the bend

Take a good long look
At a buried treasure
There between your cheeks
A hidden source of pleasure

It’s an orifice for elimination
It’s an orifice for exploration

Ring of joy, ring of joy
A new discovery to enjoy
And girl or any boy
Can exercise their ring of joy

“Ooh, but it’s so dirty!”
Well, not if you keep it clean
Dicks have a good reputation
Even though they’re used to pee

Learn to relax those muscles
With practice they’ll open wide
Hit your pleasure center
From the other side

It’s an orifice for elimination
It’s an orifice for stimulation

Ring of joy, ring of joy
A tight muscle to employ
Any girl or any boy
Can break on through that ring of joy

Did I mention latex?
‘Cause you know it´s a must
Gotta protect yourself
Even with somebody you trust
It’s a natural feeling
Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not
You don’t have to be queer
But it helps a lot

It’s an orifice for liberation
It’s an orifice for celebration

Ring of joy, ring of joy
Erotic thrill, sexual toy
A boy inside another boy
Go all the way with your ring of joy

FUCK BUDDY (Ginoli)

He’s not a lover
He’s not a one night stand
He’s someone in between
To lend the occasional hand
Not much in common
But a physical attrection
We only rendevous
When we need some erotic action

Fuck buddy, fuck buddy
There’s a right time
And a right place for a
Fuck buddy

Emotional tangles
No problem here
A temporary arrangement
The situation’s clear
But there’s still affection
It’s not totally hit and run
We just limit our feelings
To what we do
When the pants are down

Fuck buddy, fuck buddy
There’s a right time
And a right place for a
Fuck buddy

Someday I’ll find a guy
Who means something more
But that’s not what
This kind of relationship is for
Down and dirty
Hot and squirty
It’s almost poetry
The way his hair hangs down
When he’s on top of me

Fuck buddy, fuck buddy
There’s a right time
And a right place for a
Fuck buddy

COWBOYS ARE FREQUENTLY SECRETLY FOND OF EACH OTHER (Ned Sublette)

There’s many a strange impulse out on the plains of West Texas;
There’s many a young boy who feels things he don’t comprehend.
Well small town don’t like it when somebody falls between sexes,
No, a small town don’t like it when a cowboy has feelings for men.

Well I believe in my soul that inside every man there’s a feminine,
And inside every lady there’s a deep manly voice loud and clear.
Well, a cowboy may brag about things that he does with his women,
But the ones who brag loudest are the ones that are most likely queer.

Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other —
What did you think all those saddles and boots was about?
There’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels towards his brother,
Inside every cowboy there’s a lady who’d love to slip out.

Ten men for each woman was the rule way back when on the prairie,
And somehow those cowboys must have kept themselves warm late at night.
Cowboys are famous for getting riled up about fairies,
But I’ll tell you the reason a big strong man gets so uptight

Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other
That’s why they wear leather, and Levi’s and belts buckled tight.
There’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels towards his brother;
There’s many a cowboy who’s more like a lady at night.

Well there’s always somebody who says what the others just whisper,
And mostly that someone’s the first one to get shot down dead:
When you talk to a cowboy don’t treat him like he was a sister
Don’t mess with the lady that’s sleepin’ in each cowboy’s head.

Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other —
Even though they take speed and drive pickups and shoot their big guns;
There’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels towards his brother;
There’s many a cowboy who keeps quiet about things he’s done.

FLOWER (Liz Phair)

(we got some of the lyrics wrong, but this is what we sang)

Everytime I see your face
I get all wet between my legs
Everytime you pass me by
I heave a sigh of pain

Everytime I see your face
I think of things unpure, unchaste
I wanna fuck you like a dog
Take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of
Everything I’ll do to you
I’ll fuck you in your union suit  *

Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like you’re underwater
Hair’s too long and in your eyes
Your lips are perfect suck-me size
You act like you’re 14 years old
Everything you say is so
Obnoxious, funny, true, and me
I wanna be your blow-job queen
You’re probably shy and introspective
That’s not part of my objective
I just want your fresh young Jimmy
Sliding, slamming, ramming in me

Everytime I see your face
I think of things unpure, unchaste
I wanna fuck you like a dog
Take you home and make you like it
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of
Everything I’ll do to you
I’ll fuck you till your dick is blue

(* the correct line is “I’ll fuck you and your minions too”)

CRY FOR A SHADOW (Beat Happening)

I see the tears see the pattern it comes and goes
and leaves you shattered
you shed for so many untrue
can you cry for a shadow?
can you cry for a heart crying out for you?
can you cry for a shadow?
no one asked you to…

They don’t deserve your precious tears
hear a whisper to fill your ears
the reflection of a love long due
can you cry for a heart crying out for you?
can you cry for a shadow?
I’ve cried for a few.

Can you cry?
dry your tears and try

So stop crying it doesn’t matter,
just come closer so I can gather,
every drop of your precious tears

When you’re crying for a shadow
When you’re crying for a heart crying out for you
When you’re crying for a shadow
Like I cried for you

REAL MEN (Joe Jackson)

What’s a man now?
What’s a man mean?
Is he rough or is he rugged?
Is he cultural and clean?
Now it’s all changed
It’s gotta change more
We think it’s gettin’ better
But nobody’s really sure

Take your mind back
I don’t know when
Back when it always seemed to be just us and them
Girls who wore pink
Boys that wore blue
Boys that always grew up better men than me and you

And so it goes
Go ’round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are

See the nice boys, dancing in pairs
Golden earring, golden tan, blow wave in their hair
Sure they’re all straight
Straight as a line
All the gays are macho,
Can’t you see the leather shine
You don’t wanna act dumb,
Don’t wanna offend
So don’t call me a faggot now unless you are a friend
Then if you’re tall
And handsome and strong
You can wear the uniform and I can play along

And so it goes
Go ’round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are

BILL & TED’S HOMOSEXUAL ADVENTURE (Ginoli)

Two California valley boys
The very best of friends
They used to go on dates with girls
But now they don’t pretend
After trying to deny it
They went ahead and tried it
Couldn’t believe how excellent it felt

It’s no bogus journey
It’s their hearts’ true yearning
It’s time for Bill & Ted’s
Homosexual adventure to begin

In the garage
They’re practicing their guitar solos
But in the bedroom
They’re practicing on one another
School was such a pain
What a way to waste your brain
‘Cause you know what’s on their minds
Hey dude, 69!

It’s no bogus journey
It’s their hearts’ true yearning
It’s time for Bill & Ted’s
Homosexual adventure to begin

They might seem kind of dumb
But they’re not rubes
They got each other by the pubes
Squeezing on one another’s tubes
One’s dark, one is blond
Day an night they get it on
They got condoms in their pockets
Plug into each other’s sockets

They learned from Socrates
And other ancient Greeks
The art of homo love
And sexual techniques
They may not be too bright
But they know what they like
A love affair most triumphant

It’s no bogus journey
It’s a boner journey
It’s time for Bill & Ted’s
Homosexual adventure to begin

JACK U OFF (Prince)

If you’re looking for somewhere to go
Can I take you to a movie show
We can sit way in the back
And I’ll Jack U Off

Can’t give you everything you want
But I can take you to a restaurant
And if you’re not hungry
I’ll Jack U Off

If you’re tired of masturbating
Come on boy we can go on a date and
If you like
I’ll Jack U Off

Your man ain’t no good
Come on over to my neighborhood
We can jump on in the sack
And I’ll Jack U Off

I’ll Jack U Off, Jack U Off
I’ll Jack U Off, Jack U Off
I’ll Jack U Off

I only do it for a worthy cause
You’re gonna wanna give me applause
You’ll have an instant heart attack
If I Jack U Off

If you really want to be a star
We gotta do it in your Mama’s car
Make it in a Cadillac
I’ll Jack U Off

I know where we can go
Do a little fellatio
Or if that’s too much
I’ll Jack U Off

I’ll Jack U Off, Jack U Off
I’ll Jack U Off, Jack U Off
I’ll Jack U Off

Even if you’re chicken baby, come here
If you’re good I’ll even let you steer
As a matter of fact
You can Jack Me Off

I’ll Jack U Off….

STRIP U DOWN (Ginoli)

We’ve made it into the doorway
We’ve made it up the stairs
We’ve made it into the bedroom
Where I’ll take you by your short curly hairs
You start to take your clothes off
But I stop you before a thing hits the floor
‘Cause it can be hot to do it slowly
And there’s so much I want to explore

I want to strip you down
Slowly strip you down
Totally strip you down

I’d like to take some time
To let the mystery unfold
Sometimes what’s hidden
Is sexier than what is shown

It’s nice to find a hard-on
But sooner than I’d planned
I’d rather start with a softy
And feel you hardening in my hand

I want to strip you down
Slowly strip you down
Totally strip you down

For some guys sex is a formula
It seems so calculated
I would have had a lot more fun sometimes
If I’d stayed home and masturbated

A good lover discovers
That patience gets rewarded
In the rush to uncover
So much goes unrecorded
So don’t undress just yet
This ain’t no race or contest
I want to know every inch
Before we finally get down to the bottom

I want to strip you down
Slowly strip you down
Totally strip you down

JACKSON (Rodgers/Wheeler)

BIG BOTTOM (Guest/McKean/Shearer/Reiner)

The bigger the cushion
The sweeter the pushin’
The looser the waist band
The deeper the quicksand
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I’d love to sink him with my pink torpedo

Big Bottom Big Bottom
Talk about bum cakes my guy’s got ’em
Big Bottom drive me out of my mind
How can I leave this behind

I met him on Monday
Twas my lucky bun day
I love him each weekday
Each velvety cheek day
My love gun’s loaded as I dock at his port
Take aim at what’s inside his jockey shorts

Big Bottom Big Bottom
Talk about mud flaps my guy’s got ’em
Big Bottom drive me out of my mind
How can I leave this behind
How can I leave this behind

TOUCH MY JOE CAMEL (Ginoli/Freeman)

I saw the billboard and thought of you
Low hanging balls, round and smooth
I don’t smoke, ain’t gonna start
Just ’cause they made public a private part
They give pleasure, let there be no doubt
I like having one in my mouth

I want to touch your Joe Camel
And while we’re at it, reach out and grab it
Touch my Joe Camel

Take those shades off your head
Let’s see ’em perched between your legs
Those frames you wear, hard and metallic
Look good on top of something phallic
Sneak up on you from the back
Reach round front, feel your hardpack

I want to touch your Joe Camel
And while we’re at it, reach out and grab it
Touch my Joe Camel

The company denies it all
They say it’s not a cock and balls
Little kids, even they understand
It’s not a camel’s face, but a sexual gland
They don’t know what it’s doing to us
I get turned on just by seeing a bus

I want to touch your Joe Camel
And while we’re at it, reach out and grab it
Touch my Joe Camel

THE BIGGEST LIE (Bob Mould)

You think you made it to the top
Because people know your name
It’s still the same
Your daydreams aren’t forever
Better get your shit together
For a new game

Back to your hometown
Back to your day job
Back to your girlfriend
The biggest lie

Passing harsher judgement
But you brought it on yourself
By being you
You trade your self respect
For no success,
But you end up nothing

Back to your hometown
Back to your day job
Back to your girlfriend
Back to your girlfriend
Back to your girlfriend
The biggest lie
The biggest lie
The biggest lie

DENNY (NAKED) (Ginoli/Healey)

Denny picked me up, Denny did me
He’s got a tattoo of his dick on his belly
It was double vision disorienting
Denny’s kind of a dorky fella
Denny’s dramatic, Denny’s dark,
He ain’t nothing like the restaurant
He’s got HIV+ tattooed in black
In 6-inch letters on his back
He said “I want them to see
What they’ve done to me”
Denny

Denny’s reading The Decameron
About a plague that came before
‘Cause Denny’s dying and Denny don’t like it
And Denny don’t dance no more

He’s kinda New Age, but Denny’s not too smart
Trying to love himself
But doesn’t really know how
He’s got a heart tattoo with his own name in it
Trouble is, Denny doesn’t really get it
Self-esteem is just a dream for Denny

Denny can be very funny
Says he wanted my asshole tattooed on his chin
But Denny’s very demanding
Cause Denny ain’t got long to live

Denny did porno photos and films
Until his tattoos ruined his career
He stares at the video feeling dejected
Helplessly watching himself get infected
Denny’s got pneumocystis
And a new tattoo as well
Denny got a skull and crossbones
Smack in the middle of his forehead
Says “I want them to see
What they’ve done to me”
Denny

FEMME FATALE (Lou Reed)

Here he comes
You better watch your step
He’s gonna break your heart in two
Yes it’s true
It’s not hard to realize
Just look into his false colored eyes
He’ll build you up to just put you down
What a clown

Cause everybody knows he’s a femme fatale
The things he does to please
He’s just a little tease
See the way he walks
Hear the way he talks

You’re written in his book
You’re number thirty-seven have a look
He’s gonna smile to make you frown
What a clown
Little boy he’s from the street
Before you start you’re already beat
He’s gonna play you for a fool
Yes it’s true

Cause everybody knows he’s a femme fatale
The things he does to please
He’s just a little tease
See the way he walks
Hear the way he talks
Cause everybody knows he’s a femme fatale
Cause everybody knows he’s a femme fatale

TRASH (Ferry/Manzanera)

Are you customized or ready-made?
Heavy metal, trick or treat, uh-huh
He’s only seventeen
On the level, trash is neat

Teenage fever, oh you got it bad
Caught the flavor, want it all, uh-huh
He’s only seventeen
Bet you love the trash I meet

Oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah

His tangled hair trails halfway down his back
On his head, a backwards baseball cap
He’s only seventeen
I’ll pick up the trash I see

HOMO CHRISTMAS (Ginoli)

You’ll probably get sweaters
Underwear and socks
But what you’d really like for Christmas
Is a nice hard cock
You deserve a cute boy
Who’s horny and queer
To make the most
Out of Christmas cheer

I want to be your Christmas present,
I want to be your Christmas queer
I want to be your Christmas present,
Have a homo Christmas this year

Don’t be miserable, like Morrissey
Let me do you underneath the Christmas tree
We’ll push the packages out of the way
And after you’ve unwrapped me,
Naked on the floor we’ll play

I want to be your Christmas present,
I want to be your Christmas queer
I want to be your Christmas present,
Have a homo Christmas this year

Your family won’t give you encouragement
But let me give you sexual nourishment
Licking nipples, licking nuts
Putting candy canes up each other‘s butts

I want to be your Christmas present,
I want to be your Christmas queer
I want to be your Christmas present,
Have a homo Christmas this year

C.S.F. (Rado/Ragni/McDermott, new lyrics by Jon Ginoli/Doug Mobley)

I’m a cocksucking faggot, a flaming faggot
A fuck bunny, fruitcake, cum superdelic homo
Uncle Walt, Auntie Mame, little sissy pansy
Fudge-packing butt pirate, drag queen, hairdresser
Interior decorator, pervert, pornographer
Sodomite, sex fiend, mincing, limpy-wrist
Scat-nosed poof prince, a resident of Castro
And president of the united states of love
Said president of the united states of love
If you ask me to dinner you’d better feed me
Honeydew, penne pasta, goat cheese, herbal tea
Some Perrier (so you say), some quiche lorraine (so you say)
Focaccia (so you say), radicchio (so you say)
If you don’t watch out this boogeyman will get you
Ooooooooh, yeah
Ooooooooh, yeah
So you say!

SMELLS LIKE QUEER SPIRIT Cobain/Novoselic/Grohl, new lyrics by Ginoli)

Against all odds, we appear
Grew up brainwashed,
But turned out queer
Bunsplitters, regmunchers too
We screw just how we want to screw
Hello, hello, hello, homo…

With the lights out, it’s advantageous
Here we are now, so fellate us
Roll it on now, lubricate us
Get us off now, ejaculate us
Play Fugazi, play Repeater
River Phoenix wearing speedos
Yeah, Queer!

Irreverent and in your face
Attacking preachers spewing hate
I’d love to puncture their balloons
Spray silly string around their rooms
The world’s a mess, but for awhile
We lick and suck and feel fine
I find it hard, that’s nice to find
Forget the closet, never mind
Hello, hello, hello, homo…

No denial…
Jesse Helms on trial