WHO TREATS YOU RIGHT  (Ginoli/Freeman)

He’s into sports, looks good in shorts
But you’re just another game to him
I’ve seen his type, seen ’em all my life
Always pulling for the side that’s winning

You need someone who cares
So don’t look over there
I can show you what you’ve been missing

Who treats you right? I do baby
Who treats you right? I do baby
Who treats you right? I do baby,
I do babe, who treats you right!

For so many guys, he is quite a prize
But he requires constant attention
If you reel him in, he’ll wiggle free again
Then treat you with condescension

You waste your time with jerks
And when it doesn’t work
You know it’s me you always turn to

Who treats you right? I do baby
Who treats you right? I do baby
Who treats you right? I do baby,
I do babe, who treats you right!

Yeah he’s been working out
But what will you talk about
Over coffee in the early morning?

Who treats you right? I do baby
Who treats you right? I do baby
Who treats you right? I do baby,
I do babe, who treats you right!

BLURRY DOWN BELOW  (Ginoli/Freeman/Goodwin/Illades)

I went to touch you
But something wasn’t right
I went to touch you
But something wasn’t right
Under the blanket
There was a funny glow
You were blurry
Blurry down below

It wasn’t TV
It was real life
It wasn’t TV
It was real life
Some kinda meltdown
Underneath your clothes
You were blurry
Blurry down below

Woke up this morning
And I was pixeled out
Woke up this morning
And I was pixeled out
Just an outline
Where did the detail go?
I was blurry
Blurry down below

WHEN HE COMES HOME (Freeman)

What a fling!
But now you feel guilty
Questioning everything
You have with him
It’s a major dilemma
When you risk it all on a whim

Cuz while he’s been gone
We’ve been getting it on
While he waits so long
To be in your arms where he belongs

When he comes home
Wait till he’s unwound,
Then sit him right down and talk
Tell him everything,
Don’t hold back a thing at all
When he comes home
When he comes home

Monogamy, for all the wrong reasons
Causes jealousy
But anyhow, you took the vow
So be responsible for that now

Don’t you wait too long
To tell him the truth about us
Don’t you wait too long
Or he’ll hear it form someone else

When he comes home
The sooner the better, it’s now or never yeah
When he comes home
Delay it till later, & the pain’ll be greater then
When he comes home
When he comes home

He put his trust in you
Yeah he believes in you
And he’d never take the chance you took today
I know you’re good with him
You gotta work out this thing
And tell him about me right away

When he comes home
Wait till he’s unwound,
Then sit him right down and talk
Tell him everything,
Don’t hold back a thing at all
When he comes home
The sooner the better, it’s now or never yeah
When he comes home
Delay it till later, & the pain’ll be greater then
When he comes home
When he comes home

TOO MANY HOOPS (Ginoli/Freeman)

Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you
Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you

Mama said play hard to get
Mama might have had something there
I make the effort, I make the time
But I doubt you’ll ever be mine

You put up so many barriers
I get more calls from long-distance carriers

Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you
Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you

You wanted me to meet your friends
Now I’ve met every one of them
It isn’t them I’m trying to date
How long you gonna make me wait
You offer kneepads, but I’m not gonna crawl
It’s like playing tennis with a basketball

Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you
Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you 

For your love, I’ve made my play
But I won’t bid like I’m on eBay
Now I see what’s going on
I’m fine wine and you’re Boone’s Farm
You’re really good at stringing me along
I guess I’ll never see you in a thong

Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you
Too many hoops To jump through
For me to try to get to you 

SPIRAL (Freeman)

So high
Living a life that you despise
Yet you’re the fall guy
And who am I to criticize

‘Cuz I’ve been right there
So I’m well aware
How dizzy you must feel going ‘round

You’re on a spiral
On a spiral, going down

Black eye
On the face of the sublime
And yet you deny
What were you thinking at the time?

In a deep despair
Life’s been so unfair
Or is it your own deal coming ‘round?
You’re on a spiral
On a spiral, going down

SADDEST SONG  (Ginoli/Freeman/Goodwin)

Feelin’ caught between
Feelin’ beaten down
Outside looking in
At the side that’s gonna win
I got so far down
That I had enough
I wasn’t ready
To come back up

I’m listening to the saddest song
And though it’s sad it helps me go on
I’m listening to the saddest song
And though it’s sad I carry on

Why do I feel so stupid
If I’m so damn smart
Things I can’t control
Control my heart
Funny how
When I’m feeling down
Feels that much better
To hear the saddest song

I’m listening to the saddest song
And though it’s sad it helps me go on
I’m listening to the saddest song
And though it’s sad I carry on

NO PROTECTION (Freeman/Ginoli/Goodwin)

Wow, how cute, what a guy
The kind that makes my mouth go dry
He turned around and flashed me a smile
While I pictured us walking down the aisle
My better judgment took a holiday
All I needed was to hear him say
That he yearned for a deeper connection
His lips parted, out popped a confession, he said

Oh, oh, oh, I want you
Oh, oh, oh, I want you
Oh oh, I want you with no protection

Wow, how could I argue with that?
He’d gotten me in seconds flat
So open and trusting too
I took him home, I was long overdue
We shed our clothes as he shut the door
And I opened up the bottom drawer
Female condoms, my predilection
But when he saw my selection, he said

No, no, no, I want you
No, no, no, I want you
No no, I want you with no protection

How could I miss what he meant?
He suddenly seemed less intelligent
He said “If it’s not spit, then it’s not love
So put away those penile gloves,” and I said
No, no, no, this won’t do
And I lost my erection

Now listen to me!

Oh, oh, oh, I want you
But no, no, no, this won’t do
No no, I won’t screw with no protection

Oh, oh, oh, I want you
But no, no, no, this won’t do
No no, I won’t screw with no protection

ALPINE SKIING (Ginoli)

I got a brand new dance…I want you all to learn!
Alpine skiing
Is something I’m into
But you might not do it
The way I do
It takes 3 people
To do it right
You need a guy on your left
And a guy on your right

Get a rhythm going
Get a rhythm going
I’m Alpine Skiing
And it ain’t snowing
It ain’t snowing, yeah!

You don’t need winter
You don’t need cold
Just get your hands
Around two poles
Move ’em up and down
In a steady motion
Gets you higher than any
Drink or drug or potion

Get a rhythm going
Get a rhythm going
I’m Alpine Skiing
And it ain’t snowing
It ain’t snowing, yeah!

If you think about
What I say
You’ll ski alpine someday
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Make both your partners scream

Get a rhythm going
Get a rhythm going
I’m Alpine Skiing
And it ain’t snowing
It ain’t snowing, yeah!

NOT GOOD ENOUGH 4 U (Freeman)

I’m bored
You said
Now I
Feel bad
‘Cuz I’m not good enough for you

What for
You said
Now I
Feel sad
‘Cuz I’m not good enough for you

No more
You said
Now I’ve
Been had
‘Cuz I’m not good enough for you

SCARED TO DEATH (Freeman)

I’m sorry I seem tense to you
It’s really not my fault
That I’m so nervous, can’t relax
My stomach somersaults
It’s just that thinking ‘bout what we’re doing here
Makes it hard to catch my breath
I can’t believe this is happening to me
You have got me scared to death

Electrified, I’m mortified
My god, what if we get caught?
There’s sweat running down my face
My nervous system’s taut
Just by thinking ‘bout what we’re doing here
You’d have thought I’d taken meth
I can’t believe this is happening to me
You have got me scared to death

I want you to know there’s no place I’d rather be
But it’s my first time and I think that you’d agree

That I’m burning up with fever
I think I’m gonna pop
With your hands on my face
I beg you not to stop
‘Cuz I’ve been thinking, wishing, hoping
For the 19th time or 20th
That you would do all this to me
You have got me scared to death
And now this is happening to me
You have got me scared to death

I’M ALRIGHT (Ginoli)

You might find your Prince Charming or Romeo
And have him for a while
But then he’ll go
Who will you turn to
Alone in the night
I may not be your first choice but I’m alright

The loveliest will make you stop and stare
When they’ve gone by

You’ll find me standing there
The odds are very slim
For love at first sight
I may not be your first choice but I’m alright

I’m alright I’m alright…

Comes a time you’re gonna have to choose
Between the one who loves you
And one who’ll make you blue

I can’t make your choice
It’s yours to decide
I may not be your first choice but I’m alright

I’m alright I’m alright…

I can’t make your choice
It’s yours to decide
I may not be your first choice but I’m alright
I may not be your first choice but I’m alright

FIRST BETRAYAL (Freeman)

It’s beautiful to be here
Wrapped inside your arms
It really is so perfect and so
Far away from harm

But I know, by god, with a few words
The spell will be undone
A tiny lie or disloyalty and
An evil web is spun

And I’ll cry
When that first betrayal comes
And I’ll cry
While the rest of me succumbs
And I’ll cry
When that first betrayal, first betrayal comes

You know it’s bound to happen
We can’t admit it won’t
So let’s relieve the pressure and leave
Well enough alone

Remember back to the first time
Your world was put on pause
When your first love revealed to you
There is no Santa Claus

SLEEPING IN THE COLD (Freeman/Ginoli/Goodwin/Illades)

The thought gives me a chill
How close we came but still not right
Second guessing first impressions
Won’t keep me warm at night
When I’m alone with no one there to hold
Sleeping in the cold

I try to rid my mind
Of all the painful residue
Try to stop these machinations
I’m as afraid as you
I’ll wind up poor and lonely when I’m old
Sleeping in the cold

I’m looking for a reason
A lesson to be learned
To keep from feeling bitter about
The times that I’ve been burned

I’ve turned so far away from heat
My heart’s a frozen lake
And I can’t help but wonder
Have we made a big mistake in letting go?
Are you sleeping in the cold?

Sleeping in the cold
Add another layer to the fold

HE WHIPPED MY ASS IN TENNIS, THEN I FUCKED HIS ASS IN BED (Ginoli)

I was really not the sort
To do well on the tennis court
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed
But I couldn’t wait to feast my eyes
On his hairy, meaty thighs
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed

Hitting volleys in the park
Both of us felt a spark
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed
I couldn’t get into a groove
But he said he liked the way I moved
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed

So we whipped & fucked and fucked & whipped
And whipped & fucked and fucked & whipped
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed
Then we licked & sucked and sucked & licked
And licked & sucked a lot of dick
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed

This went on for quite some time
Got a lot of exercise
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed
But after months of practice
Finally he got his ass kicked
I whipped his ass in tennis, then he fucked my ass in bed

So we whipped & fucked and fucked & whipped
And whipped & fucked and fucked & whipped
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed
When he and I are going at it,
You know there’s gonna be a racket
I whipped his ass in tennis, then he fucked my ass in bed
He whipped my ass in tennis, then I fucked his ass in bed
Whipped some ass in tennis then we fucked some ass in bed

TOTAL ENTERTAINMENT  (Goodwin/Freeman/Ginoli)

Turn off the light and close the blinds
Total entertainment, total entertainment
Your deepest thoughts will come alive
Total entertainment, total entertainment

If you believe
This is only make believe
Then if you leave it up to me
It’s total entertainment

And if I close my eyes I find
Total entertainment, total entertainment
When I rewind it in my mind
Total entertainment, total entertainment

If you believe
This is how it’s meant to be
Set on repeat repeatedly
You’re total entertainment, you’re total entertainment
Total entertainment, total entertainment

So lock the door and turn out the light
Total entertainment, total entertainment
It’s going to be an entertaining night
Total entertainment, total entertainment

If you believe
This is how things ought to be
Just repeat after me
Total entertainment, total entertainment…

AT THE MALL (Ginoli) – (hidden bonus track)

(CHORUS:) At the mall, at the mall, ah-oo, ah-oo
At the mall, at the mall, ah-oo, ah-oo

1. At the mall is where I want to be
A place where they have everything I need
I love the way their fountains always pour
And the way that they get trees to grow indoors

(REPEAT CHORUS)

2. You could see a movie right next door
Where there used to be one screen, now there’s 24
No X-rated, NC-17
The mall is nothing if not safe and clean

(REPEAT CHORUS)

3. At the mall there’s no gay bars or porn
A place where polyester’s often worn
I hope I find an easy parking spot
Or I might be forced to walk 2 blocks

(REPEAT CHORUS)

4. Teenage girls hang out and looks for males
When they get bored, they head in for the sales
Power walkers get their exercise
And diet pills to shrink their thunder thighs

(REPEAT CHORUS)

5. At the mall they don’t sell drugs or booze
But there’s 50 different places to buy shoes
My walkman plays the CDs that I bought
Cause anything I want, Sam Goody’s got

(REPEAT CHORUS)

6. The clerks inside the mall are rather rude
Retail queens with major attitude
If I’m broke I won’t take it too hard
Cause I’m a smart shopper with five (FIVE!) credit cards

(REPEAT CHORUS)

7. At the mall it’s never hot or cold
24 hours complete climate control
Escalators move from floor to floor
I ride them all day long and don’t get bored

(REPEAT CHORUS)

8. When I’m hungry the mall is where I pick
To eat the food at Hot Dog On A Stick
Folks might say the mall is kind of bland
But the food court has fast food from many lands
(I cruise the bathrooms:)

(REPEAT CHORUS)

9. In the men’s room you’ll find glory holes
But be careful of the hairy trolls
Free sex at the mall can be so rad
One time I sucked off my best friend’s dad

(REPEAT CHORUS)

10. At the mall it’s always safe at night
Flourescent lights forever burning bright
It’s so well-lit I know I won’t get robbed
My dream is that someday I’ll get a job ….at!

(REPEAT CHORUS)

11. Every town as far as I can see
A Starbucks on every corner built for me
America is standing proud and tall
Cause now the whole goddamn country is a mall

(REPEAT CHORUS) 

Lead vocals:
Jon sings verses 1,4, 7, 10. Chris sings 2, 5, 8.
Patrick sings 3, 9.  Luis sings 6, 11.